The Handsome Time Agent
by RicardianScholar Clark-Weasley
Summary: River's vortex manipulator had to come from somewhere. why not our handsome rogue time agent who happens to be immortal?


"Fuck!" Jack hissed darkly as he held onto his stub. "Little slimy bastard. GET BACK HERE!"

The small alien like creature had run off giggling insanely as he waved Jack's hand around wildly. The sneaky bastard had snuck up on Jack, chatted to him in a very flirtatious manner before suddenly hacking Jack's hand off with a giant butcher's knife.

Jack's had many people trying to punish him by amputation. But usually they went for what was in his pants, not on his arm. Women, they were scary and crazy whenever he cheated on them or just dumped them.

One even tried to kill him when he never called. Never going back to that planet again. Too many Amazonian women.

But back to the situation at hand. This little bugger has hacked his hand off and ran off. With his vortex manipulator. Jack didn't mind the loss of his hand, it'll grow back soon thanks to his immortality. But he won't get his vortex manipulator back and it was his only way to travel. He only just managed to get it fixed after the Doctor broke it.

Again.

Running through the crowded streets and alleyways, Jack followed the sneaky bugger who was now carrying his hand in a box. How he managed to box his hand some quickly, Jack will never know. The alien turned and Jack followed only to find an empty dead end.

"Damnit!" Jack snarled punching his only hand into a nearby wall. "Ow! Double damn! Fucking little bastard when I get my hands on him...urgh, where's the Doctor when you need him? He was always better at the running than I was..."

A laser shot him and Jack crumpled to the ground. Dead. Again.

Fucking damn little sneaky bugger.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDW

When Jack Harkness woke up, he not only had two hands again but was surrounded by several different species.

"So gorgeous" one of them cooed. He grinned and winked at them, causing several to squeal delightedly.

"Oh he's just like a prince" another swooned.

"Ladies...and gents" Jack purred as he sat up properly. "Someone has stolen a vortex manipulator. Now don't be worried, I maybe a time agent but I'm off duty" if you call quitting several centuries ago as off duty. Then he was most definitely off duty. "So you have no worries of being reported, if I get it back I'll pretend nothing ever happened"

"Oh, it's Dorium" someone said looking flustered. "He's a local salesman. Finds what you needs and gets them in...Well some illegal way and then sells them to you at a high price"

Jack growled. "That vortex manipulator is not for sale. Where can I find this Dorium?"

"At a bar, it's in the richer quarter on the main street. You can't miss it"

"Thanks beautiful" Jack said blowing her a kiss. "I'll look you up later"

The girl or boy, he wasn't quite sure but it was a rather young alien, giggled and ducked their head in an embarrassed manner. Jack just grinned and made his way through the streets, his navy blue coat blowing backwards in a dramatic flair.

Yep still got it.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDW

The bar was in flames when he got there. Either a terrorist attack had happened or this Dorium bastard had pissed more people than he should. A gorgeous woman with brown curly hair and enough confidence to make the Doctor look meek strolled away carelessly from the building.

She was holding his vortex manipulator.

"Oi! I want that back" he yelled running towards her.

She grinned at him and glanced at his hands. "For someone who had their had cut off, you don't look like you need a hand"

"Terrible pun" Jack said grinning back at her. "Let's just say I'm magic, now be a sweetheart and give me my vortex manipulator. Please doll, I need it to bounce from planet to planet"

"You never do stay in one place, do you Jack?" she said fluttering her eyelashes.

"How do you know my name?" Jack asked. "I haven't slept with you, have I? I'm sure I would remember someone like you"

She laughed. "Such a charmer, terrible lines though. Then again all this time travelling makes things so confusing. I'm sure you've been slapped by future flames before"

Jack rubbed his cheek subconsciously. "Too many times" he muttered. "So do I know you then?"

"We have a mutual friend" she said vaguely. "And yes, we had wonderful mind-blowing sex. I think I was the best you ever had but you keep these terrible lines up and I feel a bit turned off, Pretty-Boy"

Jack grinned even more and stepped closer to her. "I'm sure I'll be able to change your mind once I buy you a drink"

She laughed again. "Oh I'm sure you will" she purred. "But I'm sorry; I have a universe to save and a certain Doctor to knock sense into. But don't worry gorgeous, I'll give you your vortex manipulator back once I'm done" she kissed him at the corner of his mouth. "Till the next time, Captain Jack Harkness"

She then disappeared in a blue white flash.

"Fuck" Jack said. "Sneaky little flirt! Next time I see her, I'll make her pay in the most torturous sweet ways" he grumbled as he kicked the ground. "And the Doctor? I bet he put her up to this, take Jack's vortex manipulator so he doesn't make the world blow up. Oh thanks Doc, nice to know how much faith you have in me" Jack sighed heavily. "I need a drink"

Dejectedly Jack wandered down the street in search of a bar that had lots of sexy women and men. He was in need of a lot of loving just to get rid off that woman's smirk out of her head. Somehow she felt very familiar to him.

On a nearby wall, unnoticed by Jack, a crack grew as white light shone behind it.


End file.
